Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
