I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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