Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
