the condom got lost in my hair
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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