based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
