i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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