My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
