Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
