dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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