His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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