2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
