Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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