you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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