Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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