I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
