so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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