My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
