and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
