Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
