Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
