I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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