# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we made out on top of his cat.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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