billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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