So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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