I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
