I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
