what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
