I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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