I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
