I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
