I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
