I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
