If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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