when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
