i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
