i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
