I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
