You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
