How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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