I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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