I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
