Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
