I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
