You're so nebulous sometimes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
