Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
