This house was built for laser tag.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come share oat with me in your robe
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
