If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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