Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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