At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
