i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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