All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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