It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
