nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
