im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
