Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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