I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
