ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
