We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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