Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
