$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
