After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
