end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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