i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
