its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
