you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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