I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
