i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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