Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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