Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
