You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
