My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
