I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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