Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sober January is a disaster.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
