I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
