and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
