I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
